I was speaking to a woman recently about different issues regarding domestic violence. During our discussion it became clear that she didn't understand why women who have left abusive relationships often return. Many people place blame on the victim for returning suggesting that they even like or thrive on the abuse. The attitude is; if they didn’t like being abused they would leave and not return, right?

The reasons why women return to abusive relationships are extremely complex and have less to do with the content of the woman’s character and more to do with the effects of abuse.  According to statistics an abused woman may leave her abuser seven to eight times before she leaves permanently.

There are numerous reasons why women continue to return to the abusive relationship like fear, lack of a support system, lack of finances, the reality of being a single parent, guilt and religious beliefs. Because there are so many reasons and the issues are so complex I am going to focus on just the economic issues today and explore the other reasons in future blog posts.

85% of women who leave a domestic violent relationship return the abusive relationship.  According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence a significant proportion of women who return to the domestic violence relationship attribute their inability to deal with their finances as a major contributing factor, which is often enhanced by the fact that the abuser often has all of the economic and social standing and complete control over the family finances.

Their options are limited by the fact that women who leave a domestic violence relationship often face one or more additional barriers including having at least one dependent child, not being employed outside of the home, possessing no property that is solely theirs, and lacking access to cash or bank accounts. Many of these women fear being charged with desertion if they were to leave the abusive relationships, which would seriously jeopardize their custody rights and access to joint assets. It is very likely that many of these women would experience a decline in living standards and security of life for themselves and their children if they were to leave their partner. As a result of all of these combined factors, many survivors of domestic violence who summon the courage to leave the abusive relationship eventually return for financial reasons.

In most cases women arrive at shelters with few more resources other than the clothes they are wearing. Some are burdened with debt—in many cases, their partners. Still others tumble into debt after they have left the abusive relationship because they overspend on impulse or budget poorly. Very few are yet to address the emotional and psychological issues that have dictated their poor financial choices. Rarely is a battered woman accustomed to managing her own money.

The economic reasons alone are enough that a woman who tries to leave often returns.

In my next post I will explore how the lack of a support system can affect their decision to return to the abuser.