VAWA provides funds to investigate and prosecute crimes against women. It also provides critical funding to organizations who work with victims. VAWA is yet another example of how women’s issues are being politicized.  

Not one Republican on the Senate Judiciary committee voted to reauthorize the bill (http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/10/opinion/republicans-retreat-on-domestic-violence.html?_r=1).Previously VAWA was reauthorized by unanimous consent but not this time.  If VAWA is not reauth...

Yesterday I was interviewed by two different media outlets about Rihanna and Chris Brown. Rihanna and Chris Brown have been all over the news since they reconciled – and many are asking, what is Rihanna thinking? I am being asked "why would she even consider returning to a man who beat her so brutally?"

The reasons a woman returns to her abuser are numerous and complex. Studies show that a woman will return to her abuser 7 or 8 times before she can make the break for good. Many women retur...

On February 9th I talked about Ravelle (http://www.nancysstory.com/nancys-blog.php) who at age 74 still needs to work as she neglected to save for her retirement. As Ravelle says “I could be the poster girl for the fact that women — even smart ones — are very bad financial planners” (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/pf_article_111154.html).

 Tomorrow does not take care of itself – you do. So for all the Ravelle’s out there – get started today!

Get started by gathering all your st...

A Washington D.C. domestic violence agency lost its funding (http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/dc-domestic-violence-agency-weave-to-close-leaving-clients-scrambling/2012/02/01/gIQA2kpflQ_story.html).According to the Washington Post the agency lost two government grants due to possible mismanagement of funds. My purpose in writing this post is not to pass judgment on the agency but to highlight that another domestic violence agency has closed.

The days of non-profits relying on grants is o...

Today Maurice Bretzfield (www.mauricebretzfield.com) internet and business strategist is a guest blogger and talks about how shelters can survive uncertain economic times.

Women’s shelters across our country are facing a crisis. The economic downturn has caused a perfect storm of increased demand for services and decreased funding. The decrease in contributions to the support of these shelters has been across the board – since 2008 shelters have seen that federal, state and local governm...

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) in their report titled “The National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey” (http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf) stated “Sexual violence, stalking, and intimate partner violence are major public health problems in the United States.” For many of us who work with victims of domestic violence that statement comes as no surprise. We know that it’s not just physical or mental/emotional disorders the...

I just read one of the best articles I've read in a long time regarding domestic violence. It's published by the Toledo Blade (http://www.toledoblade.com/local/2012/01/15/Domestic-violence-everyones-problem.html) and titled “Domestic Violence – Everyone’s Problem”. The article cites the CDC’s recent report about the prevalence of domestic violence in the U.S.

I have also talked about these stark statistics (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog/the-numbers-are-out...

According to the Mayo Clinic, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) “is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event. Many people who go through traumatic events have difficulty adjusting and coping for a while. But with time and taking care of yourself, such traumatic reactions usually get better. In some cases, though, the symptoms can get worse or last f...

January is National Stalking Awareness Month.  Here are some statistics from http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org/ that will give you an idea how enormous the problem is.

According to the statistics (http://stalkingawarenessmonth.org/sites/default/files/Stalking%20Fact%20Sheet%202011_ENG%20press.pdf) 3.4million people over the age of 18 are stalked each year, 3 of 4 victims are stalked by someone they know, 30% of stalking victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner – there a...

I have spent quite some time reviewing the Centers for Disease Control’s (CDC’s) survey on Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence (http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf).While the report has very little to cheer about I did find one nugget of hope on page 58.

Page 58 has a section titled “Number of Perpetrators in Lifetime Reports of Violence by an Intimate Partner”. That small section talks about how many different partners victims have had who have abused ...

A recent article that appeared on the INDYchannel.com talks about the lack of long term affordable housing for women fleeing abusive relationships (http://www.theindychannel.com/news/30083298/detail.html).The article points out that “Fifteen years ago, city officials reported that Indianapolis needed 200 long-term transitional housing units. In a city of nearly 1 million people, Indianapolis has just 46 units.”  That was fifteen years ago and the situation is no better now.

Now women an...

There is no nice way of saying this –so I’ll just say it, the numbers are out and they suck! The recent Centers For Disease Control (CDC) report on Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Violence Survey found that more than one third or 42.4 million women have experienced rape, physical violence and stalking by an intimate partner sometime in their life –that means all women regardless of race, age or socioeconomic background.

As I say “If you want to see the face of domestic violence...

The Center for Disease Control (CDC) recently issued an extensive report on Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Assault (http://www.cdc.gov/ViolencePrevention/pdf/NISVS_Report2010-a.pdf) which is based on research performed during 2010. The report devoted an entire section to the health conditions victims suffer as a result of abuse.

According to the report poor health suffered by victims is a “biologic response to chronic stress associated with experiences of violence.” Illnesses like...

If you Google the term “domestic violence incidents spike during the holidays” you get over 170 Google news returns that talk about how domestic violence increases during the holidays.

The Chicago Tribune talks about the double whammy victims of domestic violence in Joplin had to endure. First they had the tornado which forced one woman who had left her abuser to return to him because her father’s home was destroyed (http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/sns-bc-us--joplintorn...

Marion County in Ohio has a local domestic violence organization, Turning Point (http://turningpoint6.com/) which has been serving domestic violence victims and their families for over 30 years. Turning Point provides a number of outreach programs for the community to educate, support and prevent domestic violence.

The beginning of November the Marion County Board of Commissioners held a meeting to talk about certain tax levies that were on the ballot the following week. On November 4th Caro...

On August 9th I posted a blog about waiting lists at women’s shelters due to decreases in funding (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog/page/2). A recent story which appeared in The Columbus Dispatch tells the story of Tatiana and her daughter who had no choice to stay at a motel as the local shelter had no room for her (http://www.dispatch.com/content/stories/local/2011/11/27/lacking-shelter.html).  In preparation to leave Tatiana managed to save $500 but that soon dwindl...

Over the years I have come to know a number of incredible and dedicated folks who work long hours insuring that women and their children are safe from their abusers. They don’t do it for fame or fortune - they do it because it is the right thing to do. They do it because violence against women must stop - so to all those “at the front line of this fight” thank you for all you do to help end violence against women.

Happy Thanksgiving!                

Yesterday was Halloween and this year like the previous two years the most purchased costume for little girls was a Princess costume (http://www.nrf.com/modules.php?name=News&op=viewlive&sp_id=1200).  In fact there were over five million princess costumes sold this year (http://www.bizjournals.com/cincinnati/news/2011/10/28/slideshow-best-selling-halloween.html?s=image_gallery) over 800,000 million more than last year.

Most little girls want to be princesses. I know I did.

In fact I wanted...

Yesterday I was one of many who talked about that Topeka, Kansas was no longer going to prosecute misdemeanor domestic battery. News flash – Topeka, Kansas has reversed that decision and will continue prosecuting those cases. Seems Topeka changed their position due to the outrage they received from the entire country (http://abcnews.go.com/US/kansas-da-prosecute-domestic-violence/story?id=14720962).  

I am thrilled that Topeka has reversed their decision but let’s look at the reason beh...

I am so angry with all the yelling, posturing and politicking going on across the country. Nothing is getting done and I fear nothing will get done. The entire country is seething and none of our politicians care – in fact they are using the electorate as pawns for their own agendas.

OK, I got that off my chest now to the real business of what it on my mind. People will die! Note: Topeka, Kansas voted to eliminate the law against misdemeanor domestic battery. This means that Topeka, KS wi...

Well, October is here and there are rallies, ceremonies and other events to make the public aware of the impact of domestic violence. There are millions of women and children who endure domestic violence and for them the battle will extend well past October.  Let us not forget that somewhere in our country approximately 150 women are abused every hour. And you may know her. She may be the woman in the office next to you; she may be the woman on the coffee line with you every morning or standi...

I recently met with a savvy businesswoman who is an expert, in wealth management for high net worth individuals. During our conversation we talked about women and their views of money. This businesswoman said “Women, regardless of their net worth, fear they are going to be “bag ladies”.  In fact the biggest fear voiced by most of The Business of Me participants is the fear they will be destitute and spend their later years broke and miserable.

This fear of money affects all women rega...

According to an article in Business Wire (http://www.marketwatch.com/story/mary-kay-responds-to-national-increase-in-domestic-violence-with-campaign-to-give-hope-give-joy-and-give-dreams-2011-09-15) on average three women are murdered each day by their intimate partner.

The article goes on to say “Domestic violence shelters throughout the United States report the economy continues to significantly affect women -- with domestic violence increasing for the third straight year and government...

I had lunch yesterday with a fantastic woman. When we first met she told me that she was building a business helping others improve their overall health – but that is only part of her story. This wonderful woman is also a teacher in the public school system for twenty years, specifically working with inner city high school students.

As we talked she told me that she always had more than one job as she needed to supplement her teaching income.

I am appalled that teachers need to suppleme...

A recent report from the UN says that the US needs to re-examine its policies regarding protection of victims and punishment of perpetrators of domestic violence (http://www.asafeworldforwomen.org/domestic-violence/dv-usa/1115-us-breaching-human-rights-of-domestic-violence-victims.html).

The report cited a women who obtained a restraining order protecting her from her husband. It seems the woman made seven calls in seven hours to the police when her estranged husband kidnapped her three chil...

On July 29th the www.indystar.com ran a story about domestic violence shelters so overcrowded that the shelters have started waiting lists (http://www.indystar.com/article/20110730/LOCAL18/107300333/Demand-forces-some-women-s-shelters-start-waiting-lists?odyssey=mod%7Cnewswell%7Ctext%7CCommunities%7Cp).

I can’t even imagine a woman calling for help and a safe place for her and her children and being told they will put her name on a waiting list. Deplorable!

According to the article “A ...

It seems it’s no longer “correct” to call rich people rich. We now have to call them what the right wing of our political system claims they are and that is “job creators”. To date many of us do not see what jobs the “job creators” have developed, but I can share one industry that these “job creators” have developed – prostitution!

That’s right prostitution and if you have not read the Huffington Post article about “sugar babies” then please read it http://www.huffi...

I have been reading Maurice Bretzfield’s blog “Shared Value Today” http://sharedvaluetoday.com/. His blog is a must read for non-profits and corporations who want to go beyond “charitable giving” and impact their bottom lines. Mr. Bretzfield’s recent post “Shared Value That Produces Corporate Profit” is on point and should be shared with your networks.

Shared Value That Produces Corporate Profit by Maurice Bretzfield (http://sharedvaluetoday.com/post/8256218043/shared-value-t...

The Woodlands Villager of Houston (http://www.yourhoustonnews.com/woodlands/news/article_6d5126b5-816e-5dba-92c8-523300255aec.html) posted an article about the financial struggles of the Montgomery County Women’s Center.

It seems the Montgomery County Women’s Center relies on federal grants and The United Way as its main funding sources – and those sources have reduced their funding by 50%.  According to Sarah Raleigh the executive director of Montgomery County Women’s Center “For...

Yesterday I talked about how the state of the economy is affecting non-profits. I also mentioned that there is “talk” about limiting the tax deductibility of charitable donations. Here is an article in yesterday’s “The Jewish Week” (http://www.thejewishweek.com/news/national/nonprofits_fear_tax_limit_charitable_deductions)that expands on this issue.

I don’t have a crystal ball – I don’t know where all this gloomy talk about deficits, double dip recession or cut-backs will en...

It’s been sometime since I blogged as I have relocated to NYC and it took me some time to get settled. 

In my last post I talked about the New Hampshire State funding cuts and in the short span of a month,  Minnesota has shutdown and the U.S. may default. WOW things have gotten really bad.

I don’t know if the U.S. will default. The atmosphere is so contentious in Washington D.C. so no matter what happens, I fear government grant levels will not be the same. We know that they are talki...

Many of you know that I said I would not be posting any blogs until my move is complete. However,   I saw this article today about New Hampshire State funding cuts which will force The New Hampshire Coalition against Domestic and Sexual Violence to cut services and had to post it http://www.boston.com/news/local/new_hampshire/articles/2011/06/21/nh_domestic_violence_coalition_fears_loss_of_funds/.

I have said it before nonprofits need to find new streams of revenue or they may face cutti...

Last night I had dinner with some friends and part of our dinner conversation surrounded the news about a possible “double dip recession”. If you Google the term “double dip recession” you will get a slew of articles. Some of the writers are not concerned about it and some are saying a “double dip recession” is inevitable and it’s only a matter of time. Others are saying that we are already in a depression. All of my dinner companions were definitely concerned and some were down...

A report by Andrea Kovach a staff attorney at the Sargent Shriver National Center on Poverty Law points out that women have a better chance of staying out of abusive relationships once they acquire financial literacy skills. Ms. Kovach talks about a number of programs that help these women achieve financial independence and points out a number of success stories.

There is no doubt that financial independence is crucial to a woman’s safety and her ability to leave her abuser. For some women...

My friend Dr. Sharon Ufberg has written an article (http://bit.ly/iVMC2G) about a wonderful organization in the South Bronx whose funding has dried up and is struggling to stay open. This is a real story about how the “New Normal”, that I have been blogging about, is affecting nonprofits. The question is whose next?

 Read my blog to find out what I have been saying about the “New Normal” and how it is affecting nonprofits. I even talk about some solutions.

This is a very serious...

On May 5th I wrote about “The New Normal” http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog/the-“new-normal” and how nonprofits need to be more entrepreneurial if they are to make up the funding gap from lost donations and government funding. Today the New York Times ran an article titled “Squeezed Cities Ask Nonprofits for More Money” http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/12/us/12nonprofits.html?hp.

The article talks about how some cities are asking their large nonprofits who own...

In yesterday’s post http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php I related a conversation I had with a director of a women’s shelter who was thinking of opening a gift shop so her organization could earn money.

Let’s take a look at what it takes to open a physical store:

Location: The store will need to be located where it will get sufficient traffic and attract customers requiring a lease commitment.

Inventory: The store will need to be stocked with inventory. Even if...

Zira J. Smith Ed.D. Of the University of Illinois Extension gave a presentation titled “How Non-Profits Become Self-Sufficient”. One of the slides is titled “Innovation is not Entrepreneurial” and I agree with Ms. Smith. Innovation, according to Ms. Smith is not making brochures prettier, implementing new programs and reaching out to new audiences and still relying on the same old foundations, organizations, donors and government agencies for funding.

I was talking to a non-profit d...

If you Google the term “New Normal” you will get a list of articles that talk about how the current economic crisis has changed the way people are spending and saving in order to make ends meet. Now if you Google the term “New Normal Non Profits” you will get a slew of articles on how nonprofits are struggling to meet higher demand for services with less funding.  

I have been speaking to a number of women’s organizations recently about the “New Normal” and how it is affecting ...

According to a report by Mary Kay domestic violence is on the rise for the third straight year (http://www.marykay.com/content/company/2011survey.pdf) and the economy is taking a toll on both shelters and survivors.  The Mary Kay report confirms an earlier report by The National Network to End Domestic Violence. In a post I wrote on March 23rd I talked about the affect the economy is having on the services shelters provide http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog/a-day-in-the-li...

I have said for a very long time that domestic violence is one of the major health issues facing women. I’ve shared statistics from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) showing that  the health-related costs of rape, physical assault, stalking, and homicide  by intimate partners  exceed $5.8 billion each year. Of this total, nearly $4.1 billion  are for direct medical  and  mental health care services.

According to Dr. Jennifer Wider a renowned women’s health expert domestic violence is...

Survivors of domestic violence are resilient. I have always believed this and so does Dr. Kim Anderson of the University of Missouri.

Dr. Anderson suggests that we work with survivors to help them recognize the strength and resilience they gained from their situations. In her words:

“I have learned that resiliency is not a scarce commodity in which some have it and some do not. Instead, there are many roads to surviving, persevering, and thriving if we are prepared to listen and learn f...

Yesterday I talked about what participants who attended The Business of Me had to say about what the program meant to them. Today I will share the comments from two organizations who have hosted The Business of Me.

"The Business of Me" was presented to members of our Professional Women's Group. Our clients found the seminar to be very helpful, informative, and encouraging. I was particularly impressed with Nancy's holistic approach to the subject manner and skillful interaction with the grou...

I have had the pleasure of working with survivors of domestic violence since 2003 and I can’t begin to tell you the joy I have received from working with and knowing these wonderful women. Many of them have told me what The Business of Me has meant to them and I would like to share some of their comments with you so that you can understand the impact of the program has had on these women.

“I have a more positive outlook on my future”

“I see I've accomplished some of my vision and I...

The U.S. Senate has passed a resolution designating April as Financial Literacy Month. Many accounting firms and other financial institutions are sponsoring a number of activities to educate the public about personal money management.

I know you have heard me say this again and again and I’ll say it again today -  financial literacy is crucial for women! As a group women are more financially illiterate than other groups. In a study conducted by Professor Annamaria Lusardi of Dartmouth Coll...

Last week I talked about the problems faced by corporations due to domestic violence. I also talked about a solution.

The solution I outlined was the creation of corporate/community partnerships whereby women’s shelters and corporations partner with each other to reach out to women in corporations to help them get out and stay out of abusive relationships. Today I am going to describe how The Business of Me does just that.

The Business of Me forms what becomes a tightly-knit group of wom...

This week my posts have concentrated on the problems corporations and communities face with domestic violence.  I talked about the enormous cost to society this social issue presents. Today I will talk about a solution that will help both communities and the corporations in those communities.

While so many companies are  already  making heroic efforts, there’s so much more that can be done.

I believe  that one solution is  to create  corporate–community partnerships  where both corpora...

Many companies  know that domestic violence  hurts their employees  and their communities. They’re aggressively  reaching out  to their female employees  in need.  A growing group of CEOs  is saying  that it's time  for Corporate America  to confront the issue  head-on  and I agree.

As a matter of fact on March 7th, more than 90  chief executives  met in New York City.

March 7^th  was International Corporate Philanthropy Day. One of the key topics discussed  at “The Board of Boards  CEO...

Each year the National Network to End Domestic Violence conducts a one-day survey of domestic violence services.

This is a snapshot of domestic violence services provided in the United States on just one day. I’d like to share some of the startling results with you.

On September 15, 2010 the survey showed that despite helping over 70,000 people on that day, domestic violence programs were unable to meet over 9,500 requests for services because of a lack of funding, staffing and resources...

Productivity losses  account for nearly  $1.8 billion  and victims  of severe domestic violence  lose nearly 8 million days of paid work yearly.

This represents  a huge cost  to industry. Co-workers of victims  are also aff...

The inspirational message for week 6 of The Business of Me is “Yes I Can”. The message acknowledges the wonderful work the participants have done to begin the process of creating self-sufficient independent lives. This is the final weekly session. One month later the Board of Directors meetings begin.

They now have the tools they need to make their vision a reality and with the support provided through The Board of Directors meetings, and their online support group, they can continue to...

The inspirational message for week 5 of The Business of Me is “The Vision Continues”.

The weekly sessions are almost over and the participants are near the finish line of the first phase of The Business of Me. In this week’s session each participant presents to the group the collage they have been working on since the first week. The collage is the visual representation of what they want their future to be.

One participant who I recently saw again after several years excitedly told ...

Yesterday I talked about the inspirational message for week 4 of The Business of Me, “Standing Tall And Proud” (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php). Today I am going to tell you Latisha's story. Latisha is a participant in The Business of Me who transformed from a wilting wall flower into a beautiful flower.

When I met Latisha at the first weekly session she tried very hard to hide.  She kept her head down, her clothes were wrinkled, her hair wasn't combed and she...

The Business of Me has six weekly sessions followed by three monthly sessions. Each weekly session has an inspirational message. I have talked about the inspirational message for the first three sessions (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php ). Today I am going to talk about the inspirational message for week four.

The inspirational message for Week 4 is “Standing Tall and Proud”. This is the beginning of the second half of the weekly sessions.

By this time the pa...

In my previous two blog posts I talked about the inspirational messages for week one and week two of The Business of Me (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php ).

“Into the Light” is the title of third session. It is a continuation of the “Allegory of the Cave”.

In week three we further guide the participants “Out of the Cave” and “Into the Light”. As the participants are making their way out of the cave the light is bright and some may be blinded by it b...

Each weekly session of The Business of Me has an inspirational message and on December 14th I talked about the inspirational message for the first session (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php) today I will talk about the inspirational message for the second session.

The inspirational message for week two is “Coming Out Of The Cave”. Women who have endured domestic violence have been prisoners. The abuser has controlled every aspect of their lives and when they do f...

The Business of Me begins each week with an inspirational message which clarifies that week’s session. “Changing Your View” is the inspirational message for the first session. This title says it all. Before any real change can come about participants must change their world-view.  Change is difficult but the most difficult work has begun as our participants have taken the first step by leaving their abusive relationship or are beginning to see that they can leave it successfully.

This ...

A friend of mine the author and artist Paol Seagram says “nothing changes until you do.” As I said in my post of December 6th (http://www.thebusinessofme.com/the-business-of-me-blog.php) The Business of Me is all about change. We effect change by guiding participants to shift their thinking.

Each of us has a belief system. Our belief system rules how we conduct our lives, and sometimes we may not even realize we are reacting to the paradigms we hold. We don’t always see things as they ...

According to Syracuse University (http://www-distance.syr.edu/glossary.html) a "change agent" is “Any individual or group that performs purposeful educative activity designed to influence change in a practical or specific situation. Sometimes the term is used synonymously with facilitator, instructor, leader, planner, or teacher.”

That definition defines The Business of Me. The Business of Me is a program that creates a change in the lives of survivors of domestic violence.  We help thes...

On October 27th I was invited to the White House to commemorate Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  I was honored and excited to be invited and curious about what the President would have to say. 

There were three initiatives that were introduced by the President but the one that really got my attention was the importance of financial independence to help survivors create economic stability and thereby increase their likelihood of living apart from their abusers. Yeah for the administration...

October was a whirlwind of travel for me across the country to help promote Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One of my stops was Rochester, NY. I was invited to speak at the University of Rochester at their domestic violence conference “Bridging Research to Practice” and during that conference a beautiful thing happened.

During a break a woman came up to me and asked me “Do you remember me?” As I turned and saw her face I did recognize her. She had participated in The Business of ...

The Business of Me guides our participants through a personal SWOT Analysis. Normally when I tell people we use a SWOT Analysis the normal response is “Huh?”

A “SWOT” Analysis is normally used in business and is a strategic planning method to analyze the Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities and Threats of a business opportunity.  Well run businesses are always looking for new ways to make money. When they want to explore an idea for a new product or service that they may want to off...

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and I need your help. On August 26^th I wrote a blog about “What is Domestic Violence?” I point out that the definition of domestic violence put forth by both the CDC and WHO (World Health Organization) does not include economic abuse.

Economic abuse is a very real form of abuse and the “scars” from it may not be visible but will have lasting effects long after the abusive relationship has ended. These scars as I point out in the blog post...

More specifically The Business of Me takes a disparate group of women who come together at a domestic violence shelter- who in all probability have never met until ...

The Business of Me has from its inception used the term “Self-Ability”. “Self-Ability” is defined in The Business of Me as one's perception of what one is "able" to do.

Domestic violence includes emotional abuse. Abusive partners use emotional domination as a control mechanism that includes imposing feelings of worthlessness on their partner. Our participants are so often mired in what they perceive as being "wrong" with them that they carry that way of thinking into the way that th...

Do you day dream? I know I do. I dream about how much money I want to make. I dream about the kind of home I want to live in. I dream about my career goals. I dream about a comfortable retirement. I dream about the places I want to travel to. I even dream about the kinds of clothes I want to wear.

Yes I dream and when I find myself dreaming I write those dreams down. Why? Because I really want the things I dream about and I won’t reach my goals unless I make a plan to achieve them. 

The ...

Rihanna (the famous singer) and I have something in common; we are both survivors of domestic violence. Rihanna is rich and famous. I was a successful Wall Street executive.

We don’t fit the picture of what many think is the “face” of domestic violence. We are financially well off, we live in beautiful places and have beautiful homes, yet we both were victims of abuse.

So before you think that you know the “type” of woman who is a victim think again. In fact think of Weston, CT w...

There is an adorable MasterCard commercial about three little boys about six years old on their first day of  the new school year. The little boys greet each other in  the school hall and together do the “robot dance” to their class to the music of “We Want The Funk”. The commercial ends with the statement “Being with people who understand you-priceless”.

The valuable lesson of this commercial is people need to be with people who understand them and do not judge them. This is es...

Many may think that once a woman leaves an abusive relationship and manages to stay out her life is smooth sailing. Well think again; a woman may leave an abusive relationship but the effects of abuse can last for years. That is not just my belief but is also based on article.

According to an article from the Clark County, Indiana Prosecuting Attorney (http://www.clarkprosecutor.org/html/domviol/effects.htm “Battering is the single major cause of injury to women, more significant that auto...

On September 15, 2009 the National Network to End Domestic Violence (www.nnedv.org) organized a 24 hour census of domestic violence programs across the U.S. 1,648 out of 1,980 programs participated. The results of the census reported that 65,321 victims were served on that one day alone. That is about 46 victims every minute and on an annual basis over 23 million victims. The numbers tell us how huge the problem is but they don’t tell the human side of the story. Here are some stories behin...

This year the World Health Organization (WHO) issued a report about preventing intimate partner and sexual violence against women. The 102 page report addressed the magnitude and risk factors of intimate partner and sexual violence against women. But the report also studied current strategies that are used to prevent violence against women. The findings may surprise you.

The strategies were grouped by what the WHO referred to as life stage. Meaning they studied strategies developed for child...

What is domestic violence? If we look at the definition put forth by the CDC it says there are four main types of intimate partner violence (domestic violence), physical violence, sexual violence, threats of physical or sexual violence and psychological/emotional violence.

The WHO (World Health Organization) has similar definition “behaviour within an intimate relationship that causes physical, sexual or psychological harm, including acts of physical aggression, sexual coercion, psycholog...

Recently The Toronto Star interviewed me for an article that appeared in that newspaper today. During the interview we talked about my life but the reporter, Trish Crawford, was also interested in why financial literacy skills are so important for women.

I told Trish financial literacy is especially important for women who are in abusive relationships. Having bank accounts and credit cards in their own name is their safety net to be able to leave the relationship.

The abuser controls the ...

I was interviewed yesterday by a reporter who seemed surprised that I was a victim of domestic violence. It was clear the reporter had a picture of what a domestic violence victim “looks like”. The picture the reporter had was of a low income woman who may also be on public assistance. As a Wall Street executive I didn't fit that picture.

Well I was abused and so many other women who have been and are being abused are just like me. Women who have successful careers are no less immune to ...

Survivors of domestic are resilient. I have always believed that and so does Professor Kim Anderson of the University of Missouri. Professor Anderson suggests that we work with survivors to help them recognize the strength and resilience they learned from their situations.

For years The Business of Me has worked with survivors to identify their strengths and use those strengths to help move the vision they have for their life forward. We call this part of the program “Values Assessment”...

Jump$tart Coalition for Personal Financial Literacy is   (www.jumpstart.org) a non-profit coalition that has an interest in advancing financial literacy among students in pre-kindergarten through college. Since 1997 Jump$tart has administered surveys to high school seniors regarding financial literacy. The survey has 31 multiple choice questions. During 2008 they administered the survey and the average score was……….47.5%.

Our children are failing financial literacy. This is a disast...

Do you have a plan for how you want your life to be? Or are you wandering through life fantasizing about how you wish your life would be?  

For years I wandered through life fantasizing about how I wished my life was different “from the hell I was living”. All I had were dreams and dreams don’t become a reality. I had to do something to make my dreams a reality.

It was not until I wrote down my vision (my dreams) for the life I wanted that I was then able to do something about it. Th...

Most people think physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse. Yes, physical abuse can send the victim to the hospital but the scars of emotional abuse can last for years. Many of you know I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome shortly after I left my ex-husband and was in therapy for 10 years.

A woman may not be physically abused but if she is emotionally abused – she is being abused. Even if she may not acknowledge it, emotional abuse is abuse.

A woman is emotionally ...

When I left my ex-husband I was 39 years old and during our marriage he dominated the family finances. I was a vice president with a Wall St. insurance company and I would turn over my earnings to my ex-husband who gave me an allowance that I had to account for. I did not even have my own checking account until I left him.

The abuser controls the finances as a means of control over the victim. Women arrive at shelters bewildered and scared and so many don’t even have a credit card or any ...

Today I did an interview with Brad Davis of WDRC in Bloomfield, CT and Brad asked me why financial self-sufficiency is so important to women survivors of domestic violence.

I told Brad that when I left my ex-husband I was 39 years old and during our marriage he dominated the family finances. In spite of the fact that I was a vice president with a Wall Street insurance company and managed corporate budgets in the millions of dollars annually, I would turn over my earnings to my ex-husband wh...

An article I recently read in Science Daily is titled “Violent Upbringing May Lead To Domestic Violence.”

According to the article early exposure to a violent environment is likely to lead to domestic violence situations later in life. Logically if one is exposed to violence at home they are certainly more likely to either become victims or abusers. You can read the article to find out the reasons http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005161330.htm.

But how big of a problem ...

In my June 21st post I talked about the economic reasons for women returning to their abuser.

Paula Horton in her The News of Tacoma article today cites other issues facing these women when they leave their abuser http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010/07/12/1260779/domestic-violence-victims-find.html.

Women return for a multitude of reasons. Many times the abuser is relentless and wears the woman down and women sometimes feel that it’s just easier to go back; as hard as she is trying to bre...

On Monday I wrote about how women who leave domestic violent relationships incur higher medical costs for the three years after the abuse has ended. 

News flash!  Children whose mothers are subject to Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence) incur higher health care costs than children whose mothers have no history of abuse according to Science Daily (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071214183440.htm).  This should not come as a surprise.

The children who are exposed to v...

If you still think domestic violence is a private issue here is another fact. Domestic violence victims incur higher medical costs years after the abuse ends according to an article in Science Daily (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100426131559.htm).

According to the article victims of domestic violence have significantly higher health care costs than other women for three years after the abuse ends. Survivors of domestic violence incur higher health care costs than other women...

I always wanted to be a writer and now I am. It did not happen overnight and it did not happen just because I wished it to be so. It happened because I had a vision and turned that vision into a plan.

It started with an aspiration. An aspiration is a goal and I began the process of achieving my goal/aspiration with a well thought out plan.

In the first weekly session of “The Business of Me” we include a section about visioning and request the participants to create a vision for their l...

“The Business of Me” gives the participants methods they can use to overcome their fears of managing their own money. We have the participants write down their negative self-talk in a notebook and next to it write a countervailing positive affirmation. That sounds easy, doesn't it?

Well, it’s not easy in fact; it's a very difficult process. It takes a lot of work to be aware of all the negative chatter that goes on in our heads. But if we develop the skill of listening to the “noise...

I was speaking to a woman recently about different issues regarding domestic violence. During our discussion it became clear that she didn't understand why women who have left abusive relationships often return. Many people place blame on the victim for returning suggesting that they even like or thrive on the abuse. The attitude is; if they didn’t like being abused they would leave and not return, right?

The reasons why women return to abusive relationships are extremely complex and hav...

According to the National Retail Federation last Halloween approximately 4.5 million little girls wore princess costumes. Princess costumes were the most purchased Halloween costume for the fifth year in a row. It seems that most little girls want to be princesses. I know I did.

In fact I wanted to be a princess so much that when I grew up I just expected prince charming was going to ride in on his white horse and take care of me. Well a man showed up but he was certainly not a prince and ab...

Every day I receive Google news alerts informing me of the latest news concerning domestic violence. On any given day I receive ten to fifty news alerts. Yes, we have a big problem that is not going away anytime soon.

There does not seem to be a cure for this enormous social dilemma, but perhaps there is a way to stem the recidivism rate of women who leave and then return to the toxic relationship.

Statistically 85% to 90% of women who leave a domestic violent relationship return and one of...

Maureen Dowd’s column on Wednesday in The New York Times talks about a predatory group of young freshmen boys at the elite private Landon School (tuition $28,800 yearly - for high school!) in the wealthy Washington suburb in Montgomery, Maryland. These young men started a fantasy sex league game that posted descriptions of the girls online. You can read Ms. Dowd’s op-ed here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/09/opinion/09dowd.html?hp.

In fact one of Landon’s elite graduates was George H...

I have been re-reading David Levinson’s study, Family Violence - A Cross-Cultural Perspective. He cites evidence indicating that if women have economic power they are less likely to be battered.

I can speak from my personal experience. Although I was the major wage earner, every payday I turned my check over to my husband – he controlled the finances.  Because he controlled our money he had the ability to control my life.

While there were other forms of abuse he inflicted on me econom...

The numbers of teens who have experienced dating abuse is enormous. Here are some statistics:

1.       Each year approximately one in four adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse.

2.       Approximately one in five adolescents reports being a victim of emotional abuse.

3.       Approximately one in five high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.

4.       Dating violence among their peers is reported by 54% of high school studen...

Matthew Kemeny of The Patriot-News wrote an article about a report that indicates domestic violence fatalities have increased statewide in Pennsylvania.

According to the article a preliminary statewide report shows domestic violence fatalities at its highest mark in three years. There were 179 deaths due to domestic violence in 2009 compared with 121 in 2007, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://www.pcadv.org/Resources/2008_DV_Fatality_Report.pdf ). 

Th...

Governor Chet Culver of Iowa signed into law today a bill that protects families by taking guns out of the hands of abusers.  The law prohibits a person who has been convicted of a domestic abuse crime, or is subject to a permanent civil protective order, from possessing firearms or other offensive weapons.

Congratulations to Governor Culver.  Read the entire story http://www.iowapolitics.com/index.iml?Article=189993.

Domestic Violence victims and survivors carry feelings of shame. I know as I felt shame about having lived in a domestic violent situation for 20 years.

In an article by Carole Sanek which appeared in the Hernando Today a publication of the Tampa Tribune she talks about the feelings of shame victims and survivors live with.

As I said I lived with shame until I realized that I was the victim and he should be ashamed for treating me as he did. I am not shameful. I like so many other women had...

Michael Martinez wrote an article on RGJ.com today. The article talks about programs that are available in Washoe NV to prevent teen dating abuse. Mr. Martinez cites stories of some teen victims who were too ashamed to talk about what was happening with them.

I recently wrote a post about some statistics regarding adult women and domestic violence. The statistics were startling.  After that post I decided to find statistics regarding teens and Intimate Partner Violence.

Here’s what I found….

724 adolescent mothers between the ages of 12-18: one of every eight pregnant adolescents reported having been physically assaulted by the father of her baby during the preceding 12 months. Of these, 40 percent also reported experiencing violence at the ...

Ms. Bennett has written a thoughtful article and one that should be read by all. She does not judge women who are in domestic violent relationships but provides resources for them to use.

Ms. Bennett also educates us as to what domestic violence is and its many forms. She also points out that the woman who looks like she is living the perfe...

News8Austin.com reports that “According to the Domestic Violence Research Center, 25 percent of women experience domestic violence in their lifetime".

Here is the link to the entire story http://www.news8austin.com/content/headlines/?ArID=259586&SecID=2

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates almost a million incidents of domestic violence per year. Women account for 85 percent of all domestic violence victims.

Domestic abuse, also referred as spousal abuse, occurs when ...