Most people think physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse. Yes, physical abuse can send the victim to the hospital but the scars of emotional abuse can last for years. Many of you know I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome shortly after I left my ex-husband and was in therapy for 10 years.

A woman may not be physically abused but if she is emotionally abused – she is being abused. Even if she may not acknowledge it, emotional abuse is abuse.

A woman is emotionally ...

When I left my ex-husband I was 39 years old and during our marriage he dominated the family finances. I was a vice president with a Wall St. insurance company and I would turn over my earnings to my ex-husband who gave me an allowance that I had to account for. I did not even have my own checking account until I left him.

The abuser controls the finances as a means of control over the victim. Women arrive at shelters bewildered and scared and so many don’t even have a credit card or any ...

Today I did an interview with Brad Davis of WDRC in Bloomfield, CT and Brad asked me why financial self-sufficiency is so important to women survivors of domestic violence.

I told Brad that when I left my ex-husband I was 39 years old and during our marriage he dominated the family finances. In spite of the fact that I was a vice president with a Wall Street insurance company and managed corporate budgets in the millions of dollars annually, I would turn over my earnings to my ex-husband wh...

An article I recently read in Science Daily is titled “Violent Upbringing May Lead To Domestic Violence.”

According to the article early exposure to a violent environment is likely to lead to domestic violence situations later in life. Logically if one is exposed to violence at home they are certainly more likely to either become victims or abusers. You can read the article to find out the reasons http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/10/091005161330.htm.

But how big of a problem ...

In my June 21st post I talked about the economic reasons for women returning to their abuser.

Paula Horton in her The News of Tacoma article today cites other issues facing these women when they leave their abuser http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010/07/12/1260779/domestic-violence-victims-find.html.

Women return for a multitude of reasons. Many times the abuser is relentless and wears the woman down and women sometimes feel that it’s just easier to go back; as hard as she is trying to bre...

On Monday I wrote about how women who leave domestic violent relationships incur higher medical costs for the three years after the abuse has ended. 

News flash!  Children whose mothers are subject to Intimate Partner Violence (Domestic Violence) incur higher health care costs than children whose mothers have no history of abuse according to Science Daily (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2007/12/071214183440.htm).  This should not come as a surprise.

The children who are exposed to v...

If you still think domestic violence is a private issue here is another fact. Domestic violence victims incur higher medical costs years after the abuse ends according to an article in Science Daily (http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100426131559.htm).

According to the article victims of domestic violence have significantly higher health care costs than other women for three years after the abuse ends. Survivors of domestic violence incur higher health care costs than other women...

I always wanted to be a writer and now I am. It did not happen overnight and it did not happen just because I wished it to be so. It happened because I had a vision and turned that vision into a plan.

It started with an aspiration. An aspiration is a goal and I began the process of achieving my goal/aspiration with a well thought out plan.

In the first weekly session of “The Business of Me” we include a section about visioning and request the participants to create a vision for their l...

“The Business of Me” gives the participants methods they can use to overcome their fears of managing their own money. We have the participants write down their negative self-talk in a notebook and next to it write a countervailing positive affirmation. That sounds easy, doesn't it?

Well, it’s not easy in fact; it's a very difficult process. It takes a lot of work to be aware of all the negative chatter that goes on in our heads. But if we develop the skill of listening to the “noise...

I was speaking to a woman recently about different issues regarding domestic violence. During our discussion it became clear that she didn't understand why women who have left abusive relationships often return. Many people place blame on the victim for returning suggesting that they even like or thrive on the abuse. The attitude is; if they didn’t like being abused they would leave and not return, right?

The reasons why women return to abusive relationships are extremely complex and hav...

According to the National Retail Federation last Halloween approximately 4.5 million little girls wore princess costumes. Princess costumes were the most purchased Halloween costume for the fifth year in a row. It seems that most little girls want to be princesses. I know I did.

In fact I wanted to be a princess so much that when I grew up I just expected prince charming was going to ride in on his white horse and take care of me. Well a man showed up but he was certainly not a prince and ab...

Every day I receive Google news alerts informing me of the latest news concerning domestic violence. On any given day I receive ten to fifty news alerts. Yes, we have a big problem that is not going away anytime soon.

There does not seem to be a cure for this enormous social dilemma, but perhaps there is a way to stem the recidivism rate of women who leave and then return to the toxic relationship.

Statistically 85% to 90% of women who leave a domestic violent relationship return and one of...

Maureen Dowd’s column on Wednesday in The New York Times talks about a predatory group of young freshmen boys at the elite private Landon School (tuition $28,800 yearly - for high school!) in the wealthy Washington suburb in Montgomery, Maryland. These young men started a fantasy sex league game that posted descriptions of the girls online. You can read Ms. Dowd’s op-ed here: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/06/09/opinion/09dowd.html?hp.

In fact one of Landon’s elite graduates was George H...

When I was in therapy my therapist told me during one session that her job was to make me a “bitch”. When she told me that I cringed and I am cringing now as I write this. I didn’t want to be a bitch. What woman wants to be known as a bitch?

But as I reflect on what she said maybe I should have been one (I have trouble even saying that word) when it came to managing my money. And if I was one maybe I would not have allowed my ex-husband to control every aspect of my life.

In h...

A very wise person I know said those words. Fear does kill everything. I know fear killed my spirit for many years. It wasn’t until I made a conscious effort to face fear that was I able to find ways to move past it and begin creating a life for myself. Not an easy task and one that I work on every day.

In “The Business of Me” we begin by addressing the fears women harbor about money and give them tools to deal with their fears.

If we don’t recognize our fears we may not be able t...

I have been re-reading David Levinson’s study, Family Violence - A Cross-Cultural Perspective. He cites evidence indicating that if women have economic power they are less likely to be battered.

I can speak from my personal experience. Although I was the major wage earner, every payday I turned my check over to my husband – he controlled the finances.  Because he controlled our money he had the ability to control my life.

While there were other forms of abuse he inflicted on me econom...

The numbers of teens who have experienced dating abuse is enormous. Here are some statistics:

1.       Each year approximately one in four adolescents reports verbal, physical, emotional or sexual abuse.

2.       Approximately one in five adolescents reports being a victim of emotional abuse.

3.       Approximately one in five high school girls has been physically or sexually abused by a dating partner.

4.       Dating violence among their peers is reported by 54% of high school studen...

Women need the support of women in their lives. And if you don’t believe that here is a statement from Yale University anthropologist David Levinson based on a study he did on family violence. Mr. Levinson cites the following based on his research “women’s economic power and solidarity with other women is a powerful predictor of the absence of wife beating.”

Women who have endured domestic violence have not only been isolated from family but also not allowed to have friends. The abus...

Matthew Kemeny of The Patriot-News wrote an article about a report that indicates domestic violence fatalities have increased statewide in Pennsylvania.

According to the article a preliminary statewide report shows domestic violence fatalities at its highest mark in three years. There were 179 deaths due to domestic violence in 2009 compared with 121 in 2007, according to the Pennsylvania Coalition Against Domestic Violence (http://www.pcadv.org/Resources/2008_DV_Fatality_Report.pdf ). 

Th...

Lynn Rosenthal the White House Advisor on Violence Against Women has written a blog post that talks about the benefits of the new health care bill for women.

 “A greater percentage of women are more likely than men to be uninsured or underinsured and to struggle to make ends meet”, she says. “In addition, those women who manage to get coverage are more likely to pay higher premiums than men. Women who suffer from preexisting conditions are often denied coverage altogether. “

S...

Governor Chet Culver of Iowa signed into law today a bill that protects families by taking guns out of the hands of abusers.  The law prohibits a person who has been convicted of a domestic abuse crime, or is subject to a permanent civil protective order, from possessing firearms or other offensive weapons.

Congratulations to Governor Culver.  Read the entire story http://www.iowapolitics.com/index.iml?Article=189993.

The other day I talked about shipping conference materials in my blog post at Nancy’s Story www.nancysstory.com,  today I am going to talk more about conferences. Specifically every conference has a theme. The theme sets the tone for the conference and it was my responsibility and one of my co-workers to determine the theme.

Time was passing and we had not come up with at theme. Since all conference materials have the theme printed on them unless you have a theme you have no materials. No ...

Domestic Violence victims and survivors carry feelings of shame. I know as I felt shame about having lived in a domestic violent situation for 20 years.

In an article by Carole Sanek which appeared in the Hernando Today a publication of the Tampa Tribune she talks about the feelings of shame victims and survivors live with.

As I said I lived with shame until I realized that I was the victim and he should be ashamed for treating me as he did. I am not shameful. I like so many other women had...

I am currently reading a book by Catherine Ponder titled “The Dynamic Laws of Prosperity”.  Ms. Ponder is one of America’s foremost inspirational authors and has written more than a dozen books and many of them deal with prosperity.

There is a passage from her book that I feel is important to relate.  The title of the passage is “Poverty is a Sin” and the passage states “It is shockingly right instead of shockingly wrong for you to be prosperous. Obviously, you can’t be happy i...

Michael Martinez wrote an article on RGJ.com today. The article talks about programs that are available in Washoe NV to prevent teen dating abuse. Mr. Martinez cites stories of some teen victims who were too ashamed to talk about what was happening with them.

FreeCreditReport.com is not free. FreeCreditReport.com will send you a free credit report but only if you enroll in a $14.95-a-month credit-monitoring service and then cancel it within a week. This is an obvious deceptive marketing practice. The site for truly free credit reports is www.AnnualCreditReport.com.

The Huffington Post yesterday had an article that outlines that one of the provisions of the Credit Card Reform Act is the requirement that organizations of phony “free” credit r...

That is the title of a Wall Street Journal article which ran on February 26^th. The article sites instances where it may be wise to walk away from your mortgage and give the house back to the lender.

The author of the article, Brett Arends, states the following; “Sure, a strategic foreclosure may hurt your credit score. But if you're in financial difficulties, it has probably already suffered. And your credit score is not the only thing in life that matters”.  

The article continues, �...

Bob Herbert a columnist for The New York Times Op-ed today is titled “Paterson on the Brink”.  In his column he asks some very tough questions of Governor Paterson.

New York’s Governor Paterson and some in his administration seem to be shielding one of his closest advisors David Johnson from an ugly domestic violence issue.

Mr. Johnson violated his longtime companion by stripping off most of her clothes, choking her, slamming her against a dresser and preventing her from calling for h...

Rajaan Bennett had a wonderful future ahead. He was an honor student and a star running back who lead his Georgia high school team to its first undefeated season. He just received notice that he had gotten a full scholarship to Vanderbilt University.  He dreamed of becoming an architect. Now his dreams are over.

Rajaan Bennett is dead. He was shot to death by his mother’s former boyfriend. He died a hero trying to save his mother, his younger sister and his uncle.

You can read about Raja...

On February 23, 2010 The Washington Post had an article titled “Reid links rise in domestic abuse to unemployment; critics say tie is overblown”.  The article points out that Senator Reid has linked unemployment to the rise in domestic violence incidents. Senator Reid was highly criticized for that remark by some critics.

The group (and the most important group) who did agree with Senator Reid is battered women’s advocates who see their case load increase week after week. Yes it is tr...

The National Domestic Violence Hotline (http://www.ndvh.org/) receives over 21,000 calls per month from victims, survivors, family and friends, law enforcement professionals and the general public. The Hotline has advocates who provide support and assistance to anyone involved in a domestic violence situation, including same-sex relationships, male survivors, those with disabilities and immigrant victims of domestic violence. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous a...

Dr. Jeanne King PhD wrote an article titled “Domestic Abuse Therapy - 4 Fundamental Steps to Dismantling Your Partner's Denial”. Dr. King outlines a series of steps to help the abuser realize and understand the ramifications of their behavior.

I am not a therapist or psychiatrist; I am a survivor of domestic violence. All I know is if he hits you once he will probably hit you again, and again, and again. And yes you may love him but sometimes you may have no choice but to leave the rela...

I recently wrote a post about some statistics regarding adult women and domestic violence. The statistics were startling.  After that post I decided to find statistics regarding teens and Intimate Partner Violence.

Here’s what I found….

724 adolescent mothers between the ages of 12-18: one of every eight pregnant adolescents reported having been physically assaulted by the father of her baby during the preceding 12 months. Of these, 40 percent also reported experiencing violence at the ...

I am a survivor of domestic violence. For 20 years I lived 2 lives, one a competent corporate executive and the other a behind closed doors abused wife. I am often asked why I put up with the abuse for so many years and sometimes in an accusatory fashion. I don’t have an answer as to why I stayed for so long in that relationship.  

All too often people assume that women stay or return to domestic violence relationships because they have low self-esteem. However, the reasons women stay or r...

Knipple is a Yiddish word which means a “woman’s private stash”. It is a stash of money that is kept by her secretly.

I learned about the term in the book “Money, A Memoir: Women, Emotions and Cash”  by Liz Perle . Ms. Perle relates a story from her childhood about her grandmother who insisted that she always have a knipple.  

Ms. Perle’s grandmother explains that a knipple is “a just in case account” that is her’s alone so that she can do with it as she pleases and also ...

Selina Ingram wrote a beautiful poem for The Business of Me and for all women who have endured domestic violence and since this is Valentine’s Day I wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!

Thank you Selina for your wonderful enlightening words…..

I AM worthy
I AM whole
I hold the key to unlock my potential
I AM calm 
I AM peaceful
I AM happy
I AM light 
I AM love 
I AM joy 
I AM ready to receive abundance
I AM ready to receive love
I release all negative thought and images into the light
I for...

The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence (www.caepv.org) is an organization that, since 1995, has brought together dozens of progressive companies to exchange ideas, collaborate on projects and use their influence to combat domestic violence.

Their mission is to aid in the prevention of partner violence by leveraging the strength and resources of the corporate community. The Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence believes that business can play an essential role in raising awarenes...

Shereen Beaulieu was murdered by her husband Bob Beaulieu. Here is Shereen’s story http://www.weau.com/home/headlines/84078197.html.

Every week I read about at least one woman who has died at the hands of an intimate partner.

Domestic Violence hurts us all!

Ms. Bennett has written a thoughtful article and one that should be read by all. She does not judge women who are in domestic violent relationships but provides resources for them to use.

Ms. Bennett also educates us as to what domestic violence is and its many forms. She also points out that the woman who looks like she is living the perfe...

Statistics are meant to make a point.

Take this statistic for instance; 4.8 million women are either physically abused or raped by an intimate partner each year that according to The National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. 4,800,000 is a big number no matter how you express it.

But let’s now take a real close look at that number.  If 4,800,000 women are physically abused or raped by an intimate partner annually that equates to 13,150 women who are physically abused or raped by...

One article in TheTownTalk.com which serves Alexandria, Pineville and Central Louisiana titled “Our View: Victims of Abuse Need Help -- Right Now” points out that Louisiana has the highest rates of deaths due to domestic violence, this according to the FBI.

Some...

Charitable giving is considered by most people as a discretionary expense. In other words if after all living expenses like the roof over our head and food on the table and other necessary items are paid and we have money left over we can choose to give money to charitable organizations we would like to support.

The Business of Me takes a different view of this as we believe that charitable giving should be a fixed expense. We believe this because of what is known as “The Law of Circulatio...

Olivia Marchand and Karen DeLuc came from the same small town of Westford MA. Both were victims of homicides, Olivia was shot to death by her Dad (yes I said her Dad) and her Mom was also shot but has survived.

Karen DeLuc was allegedly shot to death by her husband. The small town of Westford MA is shaken by these 2 domestic violence shootings.

According to the District Attorney Gerry Leone when speaking about Karen DeLuc, “There may have been marital discord and there may have been some...

Women who have been in domestic violent relationships overcoming fear or the capacity to manage fear is crucial to the ability to break the cycle of violence in their lives.

Women who have endured domestic violence in their lives have come to live with fear and for so many women fear has become a way of life.

“The Business of Me” works with women to help them overcome their fears and especially their fears of dealing with their finances. If they are able to overcome their fear of deali...

That is the title of a news article reported by Radio Iowa. It seems that domestic violent homicides have risen.

You can read the entire article http://www.radioiowa.com/2010/01/28/domestic-violence-cases-resulting-in-death-on-the-increase/.

The article did not report any names only statistics. Women are being murdered everyday needlessly.

Domestic violence hurts us all.

Domestic violence is a widespread epidemic and many women bear this curse in private and never tell anyone. I was one of those women who by day was a competent business executive (see www.nancysstory.com) and at home a battered wife.  Corporations that we all work for employ many women in these circumstances costing those corporations billions of dollars annually.

According to a study released in 2007 (http://caepv.org/getinfo/facts_stats.php?factsec=1) intimate partner violence costs the U...

Shengyl Rasimon is dead.  She was not an actress, not a pop star, not a model, she was not someone who we read about in the tabloids or see on the red carpet, she was a wife in West Haven Connecticut who was murdered by her husband. “The shooting happened just hours after Ozdemir (her husband) was arrested for the second time in four months on domestic violence charges.”

Shengyl died on January 17, 2010 she was shot by her husband who then turned the gun on himself.

Shengylwas 25 years ol...

In San Juan County in New Mexico the Family Crisis Center has seen a rise in pleas for help according to a news report on KOB.com.

Yes the economy does have an effect on the increase in domestic violence but as I said yesterday the root cause is really one person in the relationship wishing to be in control by force if necessary.

The economy is not the root cause since other factors are usually evident, the economy can cause tenuous relationship to boil over.

Read the entire article http...

A recent article in Newstimes.com reporter John Pirro writes about two domestic violence cases in CT.  It’s a story of two different men who abused their families.

One a immigrant construction worker from Ecuador who murdered his wife and will serve 55 years behind bars, the other a successful man who served in both the administrations of George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush who beat his wife to unconsciousness when she asked for a divorce.

Domestic Violence is an equal opportunity crime; ...

“Choiceful” in “The Business of Me” means the ability to determine the best course of action for our lives.  “Choiceful” means we are allowed to make our own decisions using our good judgment and not having to delegate those decisions to others.  Delegating a decision may to some be “the easy way out”, but in reality it can lead us to places in our life we do not want to be.

In many cases survivors of domestic violence have not been allowed to make their own financial decisi...

In Nancy’s Story www.nancysstory.com I talk about author and Acclaimed Yale University anthropologist, David Levinson who, in a study he conducted of family violence that focused on battered women, found that in the 90 societies that he studied incidents of battering were practically non-existent when women have economic independence and support from other women.

Mr. Levinson’s complete study can be found in his book “Family Violence in Cross-Cultural Perspective (Frontiers of Anthropo...

A new state law in Texas now allows victims of domestic violence and sexual assault to find housing away from their abusers even if it means breaking their lease according to an article on NewsWest9.com.

According to Dana Phelps Family Support Services Board Member and an attorney, "Now you are no longer responsible for the lease. The victim of domestic violence can move out, even if it is someone she has just dated and has beat on her or is stalking her. She can break the lease as long as...

January is National Stalking Awareness Month. 

Stalking is a serious issue. Did you know that 3 out of 4 stalking victims are stalked by someone they know? Did you know that 30% of stalking victims are stalked by a current or former intimate partner? Did you know that 67% of intimate partner stalking victims have been physically abused by their intimate partner?

These statistics along with others can be found at www.stalkingawarenessmonth.org. Stalking is a serious problem and frightening ...

Diets and Budgets get the same reaction from many of us.  We ate that chocolate chip cookie now we have to deprive ourselves and go on a diet because we have been bad.  We overspent and now we have to deprive ourselves again.

Budgets are not a punishment they are a roadmap which will help us achieve our goals.  For example, if we want to get more education to advance our career we need money set aside to achieve that goal.  It is the budget that helps us monitor the use of our money so we ca...

There are times when we must make some very difficult decisions and bankruptcy may be one of them.  Bankruptcy is a business decision you make so you and your family can move forward.

According to the Administrative Office of the U.S. Courts bankruptcy filing for businesses and individuals are up 35% for the year ending June 30^th over the previous year.

We live in very tough economic times and sometimes if we are to move ahead we may have to do things we would never have thought we would ...

It is no surprise that the incidents of domestic violence are on the rise in part due to the current worsening economic situation.

High unemployment and rising foreclosures have led to economic stress that has affected millions of families.  The stress has led to the hike in calls to domestic violence hotlines. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline conducted a survey from November 12 to December 31, 2008 asking the callers on the hotline about the connection between financial issues and...

News8Austin.com reports that “According to the Domestic Violence Research Center, 25 percent of women experience domestic violence in their lifetime".

Here is the link to the entire story http://www.news8austin.com/content/headlines/?ArID=259586&SecID=2

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates almost a million incidents of domestic violence per year. Women account for 85 percent of all domestic violence victims.

Domestic abuse, also referred as spousal abuse, occurs when ...

An article appeared in the New Jersey The Star Ledger on November 22, 2009 and talks about a new advertising campaign to alert Hispanic women about how to obtain help with domestic violence.

The campaign is a billboard campaign which alerts Hispanic community that they can get help with domestic violence.  The billboards are in Spanish with the message, "Just like flowers, we grow with love and respect. Not with abuse."

Latina women often don’t get help for domestic violence because their...