Survivors of domestic are resilient. I have always believed that and so does Professor Kim Anderson of the University of Missouri. Professor Anderson suggests that we work with survivors to help them recognize the strength and resilience they learned from their situations.

For years The Business of Me has worked with survivors to identify their strengths and use those strengths to help move the vision they have for their life forward. We call this part of the program “Values Assessment”. 

The best way for me to describe how resilient these women are is to tell you a story about Kelly, a participant in The Business of Me.  Kelly’s story is beautiful….Enjoy!

To say that Kelly is beautiful is an understatement.  Kelly is “movie star” beautiful; in fact, she looks like Nicole Kidman. Yet Kelly did not feel beautiful outside or inside. She was, at the age of thirty-three, a survivor of domestic violence AND a breast cancer survivor - she had undergone a full mastectomy.

Kelly told me that she was a breast cancer survivor because during my introduction I told the group that I was both a domestic violence and breast cancer survivor. During a break she came to talk to me to tell me she was just like me. Kelly sounded so relieved that she met another person who shared an experience similar to hers.

There was a wonderful moment with Kelly when we were doing the values assessment exercise. The exercise requests that the participants write the names of people they admire and the traits they admire in those people. During the sharing part of the exercise, Kelly told the group that she admired her aunt, since she had two traits that Kelly greatly admired. One trait was courage, and the other was her resilience. I pointed out to Kelly that she also had those traits, and she looked astonished. I said softly, “Kelly, you have left a domestic violent relationship and survived breast cancer. Of course you are not only courageous but also resilient.” Kelly started to cry and said it had never occurred to her that she had those traits. Later, during the break, Kelly said she was now ready to do the work she needed to get her financial life in order, because if she had survived both domestic violence and breast cancer, she could do that, too."

You can read Kelly’s story and more in my book “Victory Over Violence” (http://www.nancysstory.com/victory-over-violence.php).