In my June 21st post I talked about the economic reasons for women returning to their abuser.

Paula Horton in her The News of Tacoma article today cites other issues facing these women when they leave their abuser http://www.thenewstribune.com/2010/07/12/1260779/domestic-violence-victims-find.html.

Women return for a multitude of reasons. Many times the abuser is relentless and wears the woman down and women sometimes feel that it’s just easier to go back; as hard as she is trying to break free, he is trying 10 times harder to get her back.

The article talks about a woman who left her abuser and got assistance from her family to pay legal costs as she battled for her children. The judge awarded joint custody, and when the abuser had the children he tried to turn them against her by playing the “good parent” and allowing them to do whatever they wanted. This included allowing their teenage daughter to date an older man. The woman eventually went back so that she could watch her children.

The article interviewed a number of domestic violence advocates who agree that the most dangerous time for a woman is after she has left the violent relationship or is trying to break up because leaving typically results in an escalation of violence. Protection orders can help some victims but for some abusers, well, a piece of paper doesn't stop them.

These advocates also say that we should not judge the victim for going back; rather put the energy, anger and frustration where it belongs – on the abuser. Provide the victim support, whether it’s the first time or the 100th time that she has gone back.